When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
