you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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