i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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