She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
