Swine flu. Run for my life!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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