I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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