Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
