Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
