Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
