Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you win again, gameday.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
