Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
