What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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