If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
