Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
