Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
