So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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