You smell like a Billy Joel song
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
