I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My vagina is officially offended.
pray to the hookup gods
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
