Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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