This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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