Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
