I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
