had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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