whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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