shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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