I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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