you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
3 2 1 whiskey
I just had sex on a roof
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
