Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're a waste of cheezeits
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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