I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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