im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
