Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
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I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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