I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
