did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
