wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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