I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
