He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
