I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
