dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
