you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
birth control should be required to get into college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
