was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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