Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
