I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
