its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
