bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
