porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
