accomplished twins. life is a go
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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