pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
