I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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