His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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