I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
