he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
