you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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