I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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