ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
