better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
