if you like me you must not know who I am
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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