I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
