Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
