I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
