I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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