Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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