Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
