I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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