I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
