I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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