You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am available for nakedness
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
