Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
