i was born a porn star she said
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
